I really don’t understand why I tell people my feelings on anything. They never keep their mouth shut. Ever. No matter what it is. If your circle of friends is as close as mine is, there are basically no secrets. Ever. Because one person always ends up slipping up or commenting on the hidden agenda accidentally. I’m honestly not mad at anyone. I’m just disappointed in myself. I had my thoughts laid out. I knew my problem. And I knew my solution. But I had to complicate things by asking advice on my problem and said solution. I’ve just learned that keeping my thought process bottled inside it the not way to make sure no one ruins anything or makes situations awkward. Because awkward is the absolute last thing I wanted.

No more speaking to anyone Sara. It always ends up fucking you in the end. You’ve done so well by only going to yourself for your advice. Keep it that way.

I haven’t had sex since I don’t even know. And I think it’s finally starting to get to me. My posts are getting too dirty for my liking. And the best part? I’m getting a gram of 93% pure MDMA this Saturday… LAAAAWWWLLLLL! Who’s gunna be the lucky person??

i’m so happy that bianca and i are friends haha she always knows how to make me feel better about stupid bullshit that’s going through my mind. i can’t wait to see her in florida <3

Tonight one of my closest and oldest friends, Spencer, did a reading on me. It was the first time I have ever had my cards read so I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting. I mean, I’ve always believed in the supernatural before and I never took shit like that lightly. As far as cards though? I was a little iffy on how they worked. I knew the basics but not how intensely accurate they would be. I, like anyone other stereotypical girl would have, had asked about what my love life looked like in the near future. I got a card for my past, my present, and one for my future. My past was nailed like a fucking bullseye. It was so crazy how it pinpointed it. From there on I knew it was not going to be a joke. Tarot cards are serious business. If you’re in any sort of way skeptical about them, make sure you go to the right person. Someone who is a practicing Wiccan. That’s when you know it’ll be accurate. All I can say is, don’t ask something you wouldn’t want to know. The things you may find out will hit home. And it’ll be a fucking home run. My future holds a lot of promise. I’m a fighter. I can’t wait to fight for the person I love. It’ll make winning them over that much more meaningful.

today, i’ve kinda just distanced myself away from everything to look at my life. i’m currently awaiting a long-needed vacation to florida, not only for the sun and nice weather, but also to see a few people. my main concern, which has fully set in tonight, is that i will be seeing my ex girlfriend; i’m not quiet sure how i feel about that. i haven’t seen her in about two years, and we left off on terrible terms. ex or not, everything should always be resolved to a point of being civilized. her and i have just recently gotten to that level. the level of being able to just talk about our day and then go on not texting each other until each of has a question or something we felt the need to share with each other. i’m so glad that her and i have been able to get to this point, but seeing her, i think, will put that into perspective for me. i just really hope that i don’t fall into her bullshit again. i know i have been over it for these passed years, but i can’t tell if it’s because i haven’t had to see her, or if it’s because i truly am. i hope she just doesn’t pressure me into doing something i’m not into. bianca was good at that. a very convincing human-being. oh well, time will tell i guess. naples is my first stop, relaxating to the max, before orlando where i know i’ll thank myself later for taking time to enjoy florida before spending some time with her.

So here I go. Time to vent. It’s currently three in the morning and I should be off in dreamland but I can’t. I just keeping thinking. I’m honestly one of the luckiest girls alive. I have a great family. I couldn’t ask for a better one. They care about me so much and I don’t really think I appreciate them as much as they deserve. I love my mommy and my daddy so much. They’ve given me everything they could to make me have a good life. And then there’s my little brothers. They’re like my sons. I love them with every fiber of my being. I can’t wait to see them get older and turn into handsome young men. They’re so good to me. Yeah we argue, but don’t all siblings? It’s just part of what makes us a family. And the one thing that I have to say that I am most thankful for when it comes to my family has to be how accepting they are of me and my life choices. They’ve never told me not to pursue a dream I’ve had, or to not stand up for what I believe in. They accept me for who I am and they always tell me that they love me and that they are proud of me. Not many kids have that luxury in life, but I’m really glad I do. I’m glad to be part of a family who cares so much for each other.

Okay, I think I’m finished with my short rant for the night. I just had to get it off my chest. Sleep well everyone! I hope you all have a splendid day tomorrow! And remember, always tell your family that you love them. You never know how happy it will make them feel.

It was really great! I went to gay night at iKon, my favorite club, with my two best friends. Even though it’s homo-day at the club a lot of straight people come too, but something weird happened. Out of everyone in the club, who do I hookup with? A boy. A. Boy. Not that it was bad. Because it really wasn’t. Like at all. He was cute. Blonde hair, blue eyes, scruffy and a great kisser. It was just funny to me that I made out with a guy on gay night. Hahahaha! My life. Never boring, I can tell you that much!